Recently while waiting for a prescription to be filled in a local drug store, I realized that my many years of math instruction was insufficient to deal with the huge numbers of the different kinds of shampoo. I was prompted to investigate why there is in existence such a mind boggling index of heterogeneity of shampoo species.
During my exploration of this mystery, I have made an important discovery that I want to share with everyone I know. I have finally penetrated the curtain guarding the secret world of shampoo marketing. That's right, I now know why there are so many different kinds of shampoo and have ascertained the formula used by the present crop of consumer product wizards to market shampoo such that every man, woman and child cannot resist the siren song of at least one of the various kinds thereof.
In a nutshell, other than some kind of chemical to rid your hair of those evil oils that are spoiling your attractiveness to the opposite sex (and relentlessly stripping said oil from wherever the chemical touches your skin as well so that you are left unprotected from the ravages of wind and sun) each and every shampoo must contain the three following ingredients: something nautical, something arboreal, and something gustatorial. In other words, something from the sea, something from a tree and something you can eat.
Permit me to provide an illustrative example. From one water-clear ampoule of said shampoos, there was listed, "Extracts of Sea Foam, Sandalwood, and Celery." If you don't care for that combination of intriguing experiences, from another golden phial by the same manufacturer, "Perfusion of Kelp, Knotty Pine, and Peppercorn." Yet another delightful aqua-colored vial boasted, "Infusion of Green Turtle, Brazilian Rosewood, and Apricot." Irresistible, no? Maybe one of these are not for you. I understand, really, and this leads me to the core of my discovery.
If you create a spread sheet with a list of things from the sea, things from a tree, and things to eat, the calculated number of permutations equals exactly the number of humans currently inhabiting the earth. Coincidence? Not a chance. Statistically, there is out there somewhere, a shampoo just for you, you just need to keep looking.
Mine is "Boiled Blue Groper, Resin of White Oak, and Finely Shredded Aged Cheddar." I never fail to get comments.
1 comment:
here's a comment. You've been trying to finagle "sandalwood" into a blog entry since the day you first read about blogs in "Internetz 4 Dummys" (second edition.) That being said, congrats.
My word verification is "traccu" so you know. Last time it was "snorling" (not true.)
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